More than “Stress”

by Aria Sena 

As you wake up you feel the pit forming in your stomach, the tenseness returns pinching and pulling in all of the wrong places, your hands start the light, constant shaking and anxious thoughts start to cycle through your mind. This is the way many women start their day, not my choice but through the idea that it is normal. As women we’re often told “It’s just a little stress, it’s healthy.” We let the thought infest us, that what we go through is ok, it becomes a generational lie that protects no one, but there’s one small habit that can help lead you to a slightly calmer place. 

We’re going to start by talking about the importance of all of this. For some of you stress likely feels like a burden you’ll always have but for others it may be more hidden or you feel like it manageable. Research has shown time and time again that women absorb more stress than men and on average that’s led to women having rates of anxiety and depression that are almost double the rate of our male counterparts. As women we take on a lot in life, we need to prove ourselves but we don’t want to be too much. This constant fight that most men don’t deal with has left us in a pit of our own struggle. Why is this though? 

A lot of this built up stress comes from the stigma and expectations we’ve dealt with our entire lives. Men typically express their stress through anger, aggression and addiction; forcing immediate attention and recognition. Women on the other hand tend to express through worry, anxiety and emotional labor; things we dismissed as normal long ago. There’s obvious overlap depending on the individual but on average men have gotten immediate care and women have been left to “just deal with it”. Now generally this would be a nuisance on its own but on top of

that women also haven’t been properly taught how to manage our stress. In clinical settings most trials and research have been conducted on men, especially when it’s mental health related. Historically most studies have been conducted on the male stress patterns (e.g. anger, addiction and aggression). Meaning our common stress signs typically get ignored and pushed aside again. Gender norms have aided this for years, as men’s mental health is typically made into a larger deal they’ve fought to hide it, and women have fought for the attention their mental health deserves. Some don’t even get the chance to make that fight. 

Many things stop people from reaching out and getting help. Factors like the cost and whether their insurance will cover it, cultures that won’t allow it, the inflexibility of being able to get help and the stigma around getting help. Even when stress is impacting us daily we’re taught to push it down. Society has normalized the idea of being stressed and in some ways romanticized it. Often once in school or working we are told to strive and fight for our spot at the top. Whether it be valedictorian, ivy league graduate, ceo or the perfect wife and mother. We fight to be the best and often force the strive and actual want out of us and end up fighting off the idea that “I’ve come this far now, I have to do it.” This thought adds to the anxiety and the cycle repeats. There are ways we can pull ourselves out of this mindset though. 

I’ll start with some of the more known ones. You can talk to people, like a therapist or maybe a psychologist if you need to. Letting someone know you're struggling can feel like a weight lifted on its own. You can lean into hobbies and things that remind you to slow down and breathe. Make these things that don’t benefit your goals to better separate from it. Finally having a community is one of not only the easiest but also most effective ways to manage stress. Studies

have shown that social support is strongly protective to mental health and has an amazing effect on women especially. By talking to friends and a community about your stress it can help to make it feel less like a burden and less internalized, it helps to break down the stigma by giving it a physical space, and finally it takes away some of the anxiety surrounding a diagnosis as you get the support without the clinical stress (that being said if you feel like getting a diagnosis will help you please reach out to a therapist or psychologist) . There are some issues with this strategy but none unfixable or making it impossible to work around. Many communities lack safe spaces in which they can speak or support each other. There’s also the issue for caregivers finding the time and availability in being able to get help. Then there’s the stigma again, although in practice it helps to break it down, it doesn’t make it any easier in getting there. There aren’t any immediate fixes and everything takes work, but think about your friends, family and children. A world with no stigma on mental health feels impossible but it's not and it starts with you reaching out. 

Works cited

OECD-Gender Equality in a Changing World 

Nature-Psychological Stress correlations 

Cornell-Invisible Burden of a Mental Load 

Yale School of Medicine-Gender difference in Mental Health Risk 

Springer Nature-Mental distress among young adults 

Springer Nature- Gender Specific Trends 

NIH-Gender differences in mental disorders 

Nature-Hidden Impacts of Inequality on Mental Health 

Yale School of Medicine-Stress Factors in a Gendered Environment

Cleveland Clinic- Women and Stress